Forgive Me
by Jasmine 282
Summary: Vaughn asks for forgiveness. COMPLETE
1. Part One

**Title:** Forgive Me 1/3  
**Author:** Jasmine  
**Rating:** PG-13  
**Feedback:** Pretty please!!   
**Distribution:** Please ask  
**Disclaimer:** The closest I'll ever get to Alias is the remote chance I get hired to do their special effects once I graduate. Please don't sue.   
**Summary:** Vaughn asks for forgiveness.   
**Spoilers:** Post 'The Telling'; none for season three. (I'm spoiler free!!!!!!)  
**Author's Note:** Well this is my first Alias fic, posted that is. I have another short one coming and several longer ones in the works. Angst is my forte, so tissue warnings usually go out with my fics. Though I'm not sure about this one. Maybe part two.  
  
**Note 2:** This fic is the result of some serious thoughts about the reality of the situation and how I would handle it. I talked with my best friend for a great length of time, pondering hypothetical situations that put us in the same predicament that Vaughn is in. Our final answer - we have no clue and pray to God we never are.   
  
Thanks go to my beta, Angela, who has been a great help during and after the writing process. Especially at 2 a.m. in the morning!   
  
  


**_Forgive Me_**

  
"Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. It has been three months since my last confession."   
  
"Go on, my child."   
  
Silence permeates the air as he pauses, choosing his words carefully. His voice was soft, but the guilt was thick as he spoke, "I am married, but I love another woman."   
  
"How long have you felt this way?"   
  
"For almost four years." There is no hesitation in his voice this time. He has often recalled when he first fell in love with her, and how long it has been since she entered his life.   
  
"How long have you been married?"   
  
"Three months."   
  
It is the priest's turn to pause. He tries to see the man's face, his eyes, but his head is hanging down, ashamed. "Forgive me, child, but I do not understand. If you loved another woman before your marriage, then why are you married to another?"   
  
"Two years ago, she went missing, and was presumed dead after a year."   
  
Another pause.   
  
"Everyone grieves, it is only natural. You can love her in death, you are allowed, but do not let it affect the love of your wife now."   
  
"Father, she's back."   
  
"Pardon me?"   
  
"She was found alive three day ago."   
  
Surprise is masked by years of training; he is patient and calm. "I see. Do you know why she left? Maybe it was of her own accord?"   
  
The movement was hardly noticeable through the grating of the confessional, but the priest saw him shake his head.   
  
"She was taken, her blood was everywhere. I still see it in my nightmares. She doesn't remember a thing. To her, two years have not gone by."   
  
"And she has found you married now."   
  
"Yes."   
  
"How did she take the news?"   
  
His voice is shaky as he remembers that night in Hong Kong. The pain he saw mirrored in her eyes as he tried to explain. "Not well. She refuses to speak to me anymore. I betrayed her. I have failed her when I said I'd always be there for her."   
  
"It is not your fault. You could not have prevented this."   
  
"I could have."   
  
"How?"   
  
"I dropped her off at her house, promising to come pick her back up after a meeting at work. If I had just gone inside..." His eyes close in anguish, as he wrings his hands nervously. He'll never forgive himself.   
  
"I do not admit to understanding completely, but what if you had been there with her? Would you have been hurt as well? Taken too, perhaps? You cannot look back with regrets. The past cannot be changed."   
  
He wants to explain everything, but he cannot. It is too complicated. He knows what would have happened. They would have subdued Doren, they would have gone back to the Ops Center. They would have made their trip to Santa Barbara.   
  
They would have lived their life together.   
  
The priest lets him sit in silence for a few minutes, both their minds on the impossible situation. There is no easy answer. He's known that for days now. But he had to talk to someone about it. Weiss has been no help, telling him that it was obvious, but Weiss couldn't see the consequences.   
  
Either way he broke someone's heart. And he wasn't sure his own could last with one or the other.   
  
"Son, I know this is causing you heartache, but you must move on, like you did after her death."   
  
"But I love her."   
  
"Did you not vow your love to your wife on your wedding day? Did you not vow to God?"   
  
"I didn't know...I thought..." he tries to explain, but the words catch in his throat.   
  
"You made a decision then, proclaiming your love and you cannot back down on her now. You are still married in the Church of God. This is no easy situation, but you must make peace with your past. You need to move on. She will understand," the priest gently advised.   
  
He feels the words falling on him like the weight of bricks. It was like the final nail in his coffin, but what did he expect to hear? Permission to leave his wife? His life had shattered into pieces that fateful night two years ago, and slowly he had started to pick them up, put them back together. But from the moment he got that call, he knew those pieces were once again beyond repair.   
  
Maybe time would heal them all.   
  
  



	2. Part Two

**Author's Note:** I'm rather nervous about this part. Let's just say it's not my usual style of writing. When I first came up with this story, I saw the confession, but nothing more. I had no idea of where to take it because I wanted it to be realistic. I didn't know how to end it since in my heart I believe you marry once. (Though I realize there are some circumstances that warrant divorce.) A friend gave me an idea, and immediately I tossed it out because there was no way I would do it...but two seconds later, my mind embellished it and the rest of the story was born.  
  
****A tissue warning might be in effect here...my beta told me she wanted to hug Vaughn at the end.****  
  
Thanks go out to my best friend, Jessica, who has been on the receiving end of all my inquiries, complaints and _'fill in the blank!! What's that word???'_ amongst other things. She also apparently trusts my judgment enough because she has me beta her stuff even when I normally have to have someone beta me! I swear I will never understand comma rules, or much else of grammar. (I love ASL with its simplicity!!)  
  
  
**Part Two**  
  
It's been months since he has last seen her. Months since they said their goodbyes and tried to move on with their lives. It's been hard for both of them. He's been miserable, torn with guilt and pain when he looks into his wife's eyes. She has yet to date, her heart still set on only him. Yet they know this is how is has to be.   
  
But on October 1st, they both find themselves at the pier. This time they didn't plan to meet; it was fate. A cherished memory, a place to come for comfort.   
  
He hasn't allowed himself to visit the pier in months, taking the priest's advice to move on and make peace with his past. His past with Sydney and all that came with it. Including the pier, the train station, the observatory...  
  
His heart however, could not stop him from coming here on this day.   
  
They greet each other awkwardly. Standing in silence, they stare out at the ocean for several minutes. Eventually they manage some small talk. Harmless catching up. He tries to tell himself he is allowed this, there is no wrong in talking with her.   
  
But after another bout of silence and three small words from her, he's lost his will.   
  
"I miss you."   
  
Tears fall from his eyes and his heart breaks all over again. "I miss you too." He turns to look at her, again their eyes mirror their pain. Closing the small distance between them, he wipes away the tears flowing down her cheeks.  
  
"I'm so sorry..." he mumbles, over and over. "I'm so sorry."  
  
She's in his arms, sobbing, crying out all her frustration. Words of love, pain, hate reach his ears through the veil of night. He feels a knife in his heart as the words hit him, their intent he cannot deny. He is the cause of her pain. She has every right to hate him.   
  
It is instinct...a natural part of him to comfort her. To soothe her pain, to dry her tears.  
  
He does not know how it happened, or what possessed him, beyond his heart that knew what it needed...wanted. They end up at her apartment. The fact that it is not her old place, does not sink in. He only knows her and her love.  
  
Her presence draws him in, his eyes taking in the sight of her, remembering every detail. With a light touch, he caresses her cheek, staring deep into her eyes, melting away. Slowly he lifts her sweater, their eyes still connected in silence. His fingers brush her shoulders and downward, her skin so soft to his senses.   
  
The rest of their clothing is gone within minutes and they feel as if they've gone back in time. There is no conscious memory or thought of their lives outside of this moment. He cradles her face between his hands, as his mouth sinks down on her tender lips. They come up for breath, her eyes sparkling with excitement.   
  
He leads them to her bed, pulling her gently by her hand and finally pushes her down on her back. Her grin is infectious and his face soon matches hers. He's climbed up beside her, now leaning over and trailing his fingers around her breast. The reaction is instantaneous and his grin grows larger, if possible. He captures her mouth again as his fingers wander all over her body. They know their way, they have not forgotten.   
  
Her arms have wrapped around his upper body, fingers dancing on his back and up through his hair. They have melded into one, connected their heart, mind and soul. Their bodies know the rest. It is without words that night when they make love, only soft sounds of ecstasy.   
  
And it was in silence that he left hours later when reality hit. The next day he asks for a transfer in work. This cannot happen again. He cannot give in to temptation. The only solution is to move far away. Away from Sydney.   
  
He will move on with his life. Even if it kills him.   
  
  



	3. Part Three

**_A/N at the end_**  
  
  
**Part Three**  
  
"Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. It has been six months since my last confession."  
  
"Go on, my son."   
  
"I have cheated on my wife."   
  
"What has prompted this?"   
  
He takes a deep breath. "I have tried so hard to stay away since she came back, but it's been so difficult. It was our anniversary - the day we met. I was at the pier. Our pier. I missed her so much. She was there as well. It seemed like fate once again. I love her so much it hurts. I don't know what came over me, but I had to take away her pain. Our pain." He pauses, taking another breath, and wipes away a few fallen tears.  
  
"I put in for a transfer at work. We're moving away from here."   
  
"So you have made your decision."   
  
"Yes."   
  
The priest takes a moment, gathers his thoughts before finally asking, "Does your wife know? A marriage only lasts if there is honesty between each partner."  
  
"She suspects something has happened. I had never talked about a transfer before. I didn't consult her."  
  
"You must tell her. There should be no lies in marriage."   
  
"I know," he answers painfully aware of his deceit.   
  
The church bells ring in the distance and the two men shift in their seats. Once the bells have stopped, the priest speaks up. "What you must decide is whom you love."  
  
His head jerks up quickly, surprised. "Father?"   
  
"Your case has troubled me for months, my son. While giving your love to two women may be unsanctimonious, it is through no fault of your own. You have been put in an impossible situation. You have been a good man to open your heart so willingly. "I have no advice from the point of the Church of God, but I have advice on the matter of the heart. You must chose one, but remember you may have only one from here on after."  
  
"I...I don't understand," he stumbled, confused.   
  
"A man should never be in your place, having to decide between two loves that were both rightfully just. Your recent actions are punishable, but every man gives in to temptation. No man on this earth is perfect. So you must decide on the correct path your future takes you and make sure you never give in again."  
  


**The End**

  
  
**Author's Note:** I do not condone adultery. It was hard to write this, but somehow it's just where the story (and the muse) went. I felt it very difficult to find a direction to go with this story because I cannot justify either choice even though we love these characters so much. I'm glad this is fiction (the show) because I would not wish it upon anybody. The only similar situation would be if a loved one fell into a coma. But after a few years, recoveries are pretty much miracles.  
  
I will not be writing a sequel because of how I feel. Pick how you want it to go, who he chooses, because I cannot. This is my attempt at realism; if you want S/V, go elsewhere. I am working on other post Telling fics and Chatnoir has convinced me to start posting. Please keep an eye out!   
  
Jasmine  



End file.
